Author - Brolick McSwolenson

Alcoholic Instinctively Knows Where Bar’s Bathroom Is

Prince Harry Asks Grandma to Wire Him $700 to Pay Rent

Crisis Averted: Global Sea Levels Just Rose 30 Feet and Put Out the Australian Bushfires

Austro-Hungarian Archduke Decides to Cancel Flight to Iraq

Drone: ‘I Am Sexually Aroused by War in the Middle East’

Keith Richards Somehow Makes It Another Decade

I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions Because I Don’t Believe in the Gregorian Calendar

Gaining 200 Pounds and Sneaking in Through People’s Chimneys at Night Was the Only Way to Spread the Word of God

Fantasy Football Experts Recommend Trading Firstborn Son for Lamar Jackson

Opinion: Only People 21 and Older Are Responsible Enough to Buy Cigarettes for Their Younger Siblings

Is He a Great Cuddler Because He’s Warm and Compassionate or Because He’s a Literal Merino Sheep?

Dentist Clearly Picked Up Box of Human Teeth Christmas Gift Last Minute

If ‘Die Hard’ Isn’t a Christmas Movie Then How Come Bruce Willis Is Tied Up Under My Tree Screaming ‘Yippie Ki Yay, Motherfucker’?

She Earned It: Greta Thunberg to Star on Cover of ‘Madden 21’