The Pentagon released previously classified footage today in which a clearly exasperated Navy pilot exclaims he has spotted an unidentified flying object, although the object in question is clearly a goose.
“My God, it’s a UFO! Johnson are you seeing this?!” shouts Lt. Mark Stevens in the recording. “It’s like three feet across with a long, protruding neck-like object that must be its ray gun. This changes everything.”
In the now declassified flight report, Stevens says he hailed the UFO through various communications channels and asked it to identify itself, but it only responded in indecipherable honking noises.
“It’s clear to me that these beings communicate through a complex series of honks and flapping motions. I doubt we’ll ever be able to understand it,” said Stevens in the report. “I’m officially hanging up my wings. I didn’t sign up for this.”
At press time, a 10 mile wide goose-shaped mother ship was hovering over New York City and barraging it with thousands of tons of goose feces.