After noticing his friend Brian’s “coexist” tattoo while they were at the beach last weekend, a local man drew the conclusion that Brian must have been a Toyota Prius in his former life.
“I don’t know how I never pieced this together before. All the tell tale signs were right under my nose,” he said. “His porcelain glow when applying sun lotion, the way he says ‘beep beep’ instead of ‘excuse me,’ and the fact that his bed is a compact car parking spot.”
“Also his septum ring is clearly the Toyota logo,” he added. “How could I have ever been so blind?”
His friend further noted that Brian’s slow-moving demeanor, incomparable endurance, and veganism finally add up. An incident two years ago when Brian was kidnapped and held for ransom further solidified his conclusion.
“It was truly a trying time for all of us. I was there with his family when the kidnappers called to negotiate a ransom for three hundred thousand dollars,” he said. “But his dad refused to give it to them, claiming the price was way too high according to the Kelley Blue Book. Even then I was still out of the loop.”
His friend added that he is willing to accept Brian for who he is regardless of which car model he was in a previous life, and this news will in no way affect their friendship or his helping him apply sun-tan lotion on his perfect pale skin.
“However, if he does try to convert me to ‘go green’ I will not hesitate to punch him directly in his mouth,” he said. “Which I’m assuming will cause an airbag to deploy from his lips immediately afterwards.”
Article by @smacktownsend.