Freeloading CDC Director Recommends Landlord Let Him Stay Inside Until He Gets Enough Scratch to Make Rent

cdc director

With the COVID-19 quarantine affecting millions of Americans’ paychecks, a freeloading CDC Director Robert Redfield issued a statement recommending that his landlord let him remain in his apartment until he could “get enough scratch to make rent.”

“C’mon man, you know I’m good for it,” said Redfield. “Once this coronavirus thing blows over, I’ll have like six, seven months of rent coming in, easy.”

CDC Directors have been known in the past to utilize infectious disease quarantines to avoid paying rent. But Redfield’s landlord says he’s not buying it.

“This week it’s coronavirus. Next week it’ll be Ebola or something. I’ve had enough,” said his landlord, Dean Byrd. “And I’m not buying his whole ‘the President will wire me money once I solve this global pandemic’ crap. I’ve heard that one before.”

At press time, Redfield was seen moving into the Surgeon General’s basement “just until [he] could get back on [his] feet.”