Dessert lovers across the nation were outraged today to learn that popular Little Debbie product Zebra Cakes only contains trace amounts of actual zebra meat.
“This is false advertising if I’ve ever seen it,” said long-time Zebra Cake eater Ed Gein. “All these years I thought I was enjoying pure, unfiltered zebra. But it turns out Zebra Cakes are just like any other non-ungulate food product.”
According to the Food and Drug Administration, samples of snack cakes they tested contained less than one percent of real zebra, sparking protests among Little Debbie aficionados who claim the brand has been duping them for decades.
“We opened an investigation into Zebra Cakes after receiving multiple consumer complaints that they tasted more like horse, or even donkey,” said FDA researcher Laura Stipe. “It turns out not only do said cakes contain just trace amounts of real zebra, even the cream filling is made up almost entirely of imitation whipped hoof.”
At press time, the FDA confirmed that Little Debbie Swiss Rolls did, in fact, contain their advertised proportions of 50 percent dead Swiss mountaineer.