God Suddenly Remembers He Gave Up On Humanity for Lent Like 1500 Years Ago


As Ash Wednesday ushered in the 40 days of Lent this season, God suddenly remembered that He had given up on humanity for Lent “like 1500 years ago.”

“Aww, fuck. I promised not to think about humanity for all of Lent back in like 500 A.D., and I guess I just totally forgot to start thinking about them again,” He said. “But honestly, getting humans off my mind for the past 15 centuries has been more of a relief than a sacrifice.”

God says mankind can expect a lot more divine involvement in worldly affairs as soon as this Lenten season is over.

“This is a huge day for the Church and for all believers worldwide,” announced the Catholic Church. “We honestly weren’t sure how much longer we could keep this charade going without a miracle or a heavenly smiting now and again.”

At press time, the Church announced it would finally start processing its 1500-year backlog of unanswered prayers.