God Suddenly Remembers He Gave Up On Humanity for Lent Like 1500 Years Ago

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As Ash Wednesday ushered in the 40 days of Lent this season, God suddenly remembered that He had given up on humanity for Lent “like 1500 years ago.”

“Aww, fuck. I promised not to think about humanity for all of Lent back in like 500 A.D., and I guess I just totally forgot to start thinking about them again,” He said. “But honestly, getting humans off my mind for the past 15 centuries has been more of a relief than a sacrifice.”

God says mankind can expect a lot more divine involvement in worldly affairs as soon as this Lenten season is over.

“This is a huge day for the Church and for all believers worldwide,” announced the Catholic Church. “We honestly weren’t sure how much longer we could keep this charade going without a miracle or a heavenly smiting now and again.”

At press time, the Church announced it would finally start processing its 1500-year backlog of unanswered prayers.