‘The Sky’s the Limit,’ Says World’s Worst Astronaut

looking up at sky

Looking upwards and pondering the limits of human possibility, Ryan Patterson, the world’s worst astronaut, proclaimed, “The sky’s the limit.”

“If my calculations are correct, I’d say the farthest we’ll ever get is the stratosphere, maybe the mesosphere if we’re lucky,” said Patterson, apparently unaware that numerous human beings had previously been to the moon. “I wonder what’s all out there, anyway? Would you crash if you flew into a cloud, or are they as fluffy as they look?”

Despite years of study and rigorous training in the astronaut pipeline, Patterson remains unable to comprehend that it is possible to send craft, and maybe even humans, outside of Earth’s atmosphere.

“We’re still evaluating if he’s talking about the ‘sky’ in the literary sense, or if he literally thinks there is a physical barrier up there we can’t pass through,” said NASA astronaut trainer Dexter Powers. “If he’s talking about the day sky we might have a problem. But if he’s talking about the night sky, that one’s actually pretty spacey and stuff. And he does make some good points about those clouds.”

Some scientists argue that Patterson may actually be correct due to a technicality.

“Recent studies have shown that the outer layers of Earth’s atmosphere, called the geocorona, may extend past the moon,” said astrophysicist Kelly Weber. “So Patterson might be correct in his assessment that the sky has been the limit thus far in human exploration. But I still wouldn’t trust putting him in a space ship.”