Urinal Specifically Engineered to Splash Back All Over Your Dick


Bathroom fixtures manufacturer American Standard has released a new urinal that is specifically engineered to splash back urine all over your dick, according to a company press release.

“Previous versions of our SuperJet S750 would backsplash some piss onto your jeans or hands at a 50 percent success rate,” said bathroom engineer Toby Klinger. “But our new Spatter Pro 8000 is guaranteed to soak your cock in your own urine along with the remnants of everyone’s urine who went before you.”

Klinger says additional features of the new urinal include a hyper sensitive flush feature which releases a torrent of spraying water while you’re still whizzing, as well as uselessly small dividing barriers that ensure each customer can still look at everyone else’s penis.

“It’s great knowing that I can now go to the bathroom without having to worry about my gray pants and penis not getting soaked with pee,” said customer Jake Werner. “And with these small dividing barriers, I can check to make sure the guy next to me is getting drenched, too!”

At press time, the company announced it is designing a port-a-potty that will backsplash blue water into your anus every time you defecate.