If you’re a 49ers fan, then you might be in for some bad news. Head Coach Kyle Shanahan is refusing to let star quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo play in Super Bowl LIV until he can return from his gold prospecting mission with at least one large golden nugget.
“We take gold prospecting very serious in this organization. I don’t care how good you are at football, you’re not taking that field until you’ve put in your time panning mountain streams for gold dust,” said Shanahan. “And he better not think he can fool me with pyrite, either. George Kittle already tried that one.”
The San Francisco 49ers have a long history of taking part in frenzied gold rushes prior to playing in the Super Bowl. Before his Super Bowl XVI victory over the Cincinnati Bengals in 1982, Joe Montana found a famously large 20K gold nugget on the banks of the Detroit River.
“Winning games means nothing if you don’t have a sack full of gold in your wagon to come back to,” said “Golden Joe.” “I don’t think I could have won four Super Bowls if I didn’t spend the majority of each season sluicing untapped river beds up and down the Sierra Nevada.”
So if you’re pulling for the 49ers in Super Bowl LIV, you’d better hope Garoppolo comes up with some yellow metal fast.