We Jacked Off a Whole Lot of Canadians Before We Realized They Don’t Cum Maple Syrup

canadian man in mountains

There’s no better time than wintertime to gobble up some sweet, tasty maple syrup. That’s why we decided to head up north to the capital of maple syrup production to find out how it’s made. But when we arrived in Canada, we were in for quite a surprise. We thought we had at least a basic grasp of what maple syrup is and where it comes from, but it turns out we were horribly wrong.

We jacked off a whole lot of Canadians before we realized they don’t cum maple syrup.

That’s right. Our intel that the best maple syrup comes from the jizz of a hearty Canadian woodsman was off by a long shot. Turns out it comes from trees. Also, apparently we could have looked that up online.

It’s not that the dozens of Canadians we wanked off minded. On the contrary, they were extremely friendly about it. And they still left us with a sticky mess, it just wasn’t the kind of sticky mess we were expecting.

On the whole, we’d still count this trip as a success. We got to travel to a wonderful country, meet a bunch of friendly people, and whack them off. You should have seen the look on our editor’s face when that first Canadian splooged all over a tall stack of flapjacks. Priceless!

But the next time you’re looking for some fresh maple syrup, just remember: it doesn’t come from Canadians’ dicks.