A new survey from the Federal Bureau of Investigation shows that 70 percent of women running from serial killers recommend hiding in an elaborate hedge maze.
The survey found that women who have run from a serial killer in the past say sprinting into a hedge maze, or even a corn field, is particularly effective after one’s car has inexplicably failed to start.
“Any time I’m at a secluded rest stop in the South, I make sure to ask the creepy attendant if there’s a hedge maze nearby just in case some psychopath decides to cut my head off,” read one survey response. “If there’s not, I’ll usually try to find a dilapidated church or sinister old mental institute to run into.”
Unfortunately for many would-be victims, the FBI says the number of hedge mazes in the country has gone down in recent years, while the number of gruesome serial murders has skyrocketed. But researchers say that doesn’t mean that victims can’t find plenty of terrifying places to hide in the modern world.
“We realize that, for women who live in an urban environment, a hedge maze might not be an option,” said Dr. Heather McMann. “If that’s the case, we recommend finding a poorly lit back alley or a rundown factory with ominous graffiti written over the entrance.”
“Although, if a harbinger of impending doom tells you to stay out of the abandoned mines, then you should probably hide there.”