NCAA Hires 460,000 Unpaid Interns to Replace All Student Athletes

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Just moments after voting to modify a rule that will allow college athletes to profit from their names, images, and likenesses, the NCAA announced it will be hiring 460,000 unpaid interns to replace all college athletes.

“Going forward, student athletes will legally be allowed to be paid for the use of their likenesses,” said an NCAA spokesman. “Although, as of today, there are no longer any student athletes.”

The NCAA says it is excited to bring aboard hundreds of thousands of students whose financial aspirations are non-existent and whose athletic skills “will at least be funny to watch.”

When California passed a law earlier this year allowing student athletes to receive compensation, the NCAA came out strongly against the idea. However, they say they are now fully committed to ensuring that everyone who ever steps on a college field or basketball court is contractually ineligible to make money.

“We are fully dedicated to the success of our now former student athletes,” said the spokesman. “Which is why we painstakingly combed through millions of resumes to find interns who bore a striking resemblance to them in both name and image.”

He added, “To our former student athletes whose scholarships, as of today, are revoked, we wish you the best of luck at McDonald’s.”