Data Scientist Will Need to See More Data to Tell if This Data Is Data

data scientists around table

Frantically sorting through what he was told was data this morning, data scientist Scott Halpern said he would need to see more data in order to tell if this data was data.

“What am I even looking at here?” said Halpern. “I’ll need two months and at least a decade’s worth of data to even tell if any of this is data.”

Halpern’s team has been working to analyze big data for his firm. But he says he has become worried that even with all the data available, they’ll only have enough to be small — or maybe medium — data.

“I won’t even begin to hypothesize if this data is small or medium data until we’ve run it through a machine learning algorithm a couple million times,” said Halpern. “We can’t do that until the data is cleaned. And we can’t clean the data until we figure out whether it is data or not.”

“I’ll need to see more data to determine if this project is even worth it,” he added.

At press time, Halpern’s team had given up after data showed that the data they needed would never be the right data anyway.