Following the Dallas Cowboys game on Sunday, a cyborg version of Dak Prescott from the year 2752 travelled back in time to 2019 to warn of an apocalyptic future where tight end Jason Witten is still doing on-air commentary.
“I’ve seen every possible future, and any time Jason Witten starts doing commentary again the entire world is destroyed,” said Prescott. “For the sake of the human race, we need to make sure he keeps playing football and never returns to a role in broadcasting.”
Witten played his entire career with the Cowboys before retiring in 2018 to become a color commentator for ESPN. However, he returned to the field for 2019 season.
“We’ve tried to send messengers back to your time to prevent Witten from ever returning to on-air reporting, but it appears his fate and the fate of the universe are intertwined,” said Prescott. “Please, for the love of God, somebody has to stop him. He’s a pretty good player, but humanity cannot handle another minute of his color commentary.”