Shark Doctor Recommends Cutting Down on Americans to Lower Cholesterol

shark doctor

After a new study by the National Shark Health Bureau found that eating American humans is the equivalent of eating at a fast food restaurant, a prominent shark doctor has recommended that sharks cut down on eating Americans to lower their cholesterol.

“They’re all over the place and super convenient to kill, but you will just feel like crap afterwards,” said Dr. Gill Patel. “It’s understandable to eat one once in a while, but you need to be aware of the health risks.”

Patel added that, while convenient, Americans are high in processed sugars and added hormones, which may pose long term risk to sharks’ health.

“Sharks need to take a realistic look at the threats that are out there. A lot of sharks get nervous about illegal fishing and killer whales,” said Patel. “But the real threat comes from the obese Floridians and Californians we eat everyday.”

Grumpy contributed reporting.