A team of historians at Yale University has discovered that every single person born before the year 1900 was “ugly as fuck.”
The team pored over tens of thousands of archival photographs and portraits dating back to the 1500s but was unable to identify a single attractive person.
“It appears the trait for handsomeness didn’t enter the human gene pool until just before World War I. Even then, good-looking people were exceedingly rare,” said historian Conrad Mantiss. “Frankly, I don’t know how all these snaggle-toothed mother fuckers were able to mate with each other.”
Mantiss says human ugliness appears to have peaked in the 1870s.
“In photographs from the era, it is often impossible to tell if one is looking at a man, a woman, or a dead rhinoceros’s butthole,” he said. “I swear, everybody back then must have been hit in the face with a fucking shovel when they were a baby.”
At press time, the team had found evidence that everyone before 1940 spent their entire life dressed in a hot, uncomfortable wool suit.