The scene on Eugene Morris’ front lawn this past Saturday was as grim as it was patriotic. The neatly manicured grass was littered with clothing, toiletries, and personal electronics, all belonging to Sgt. William Cruz of the Pennsylvania National Guard. Mr. Morris had just finished evicting Sgt. Cruz from the spare bedroom that Morris lists on Airbnb
“The Third Amendment doesn’t get as much love as the rest of the amendments, which is why I really love it,” explained Morris, a self-proclaimed constitutional hipster. “Once I learned the man paying forty bucks a night to sleep in my house was a member of the armed forces, I had to act. I’m not about to let quartering happen on my watch!”
When Sgt. Cruz isn’t activated with the National Guard, he is a student at the University of Pittsburgh and is active in campus activities. He was staying in Morris’ Cleveland home to attend a free speech conference.
“He only found out I was in the Guard by doing an unlawful search of my wallet while I was out on a run,” he said. “That dude is a nut.”
We asked Morris to confirm or deny the wallet search, but he pleaded the fifth.
Cruz hopes that Morris will be held accountable for his actions after a speedy and public trial.
“Having the government quarter its soldiers in my home is cruel and unusual punishment for a guy as dedicated to the Bill of Rights as I am,” said Morris, rolling up his sleeve and exposing a script tattoo of the full Third Amendment on his bare arm. “I know my rights.”