Politician Not About to Let Horrible Nature of Tragedy Stop Him From Exploiting It for Political Gain

faceless politician giving speech

WASHINGTON — Following two mass shootings that took place over the weekend, a politician stated that he would not let the horrible, gruesome nature of these tragedies prevent him from exploiting them for political gain.

“Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of this terrible tragedy,” he said in a speech on Monday. “But I promise you, I will not for one minute let the deaths of dozens of Americans stop me from ruthlessly exploiting these events for political advantage.”

He added that in times like these, sometimes the only solution is for citizens to get swept up in a blind rage, and to channel that rage into something that will lead to good press for him and his party.

“It’s time that the American people recognize the grave nature of these tragedies and come out in support of me specifically,” he said. “The only true way to stop gun violence is to go to my website and make a contribution to my upcoming campaign. Donations are accepted via check, credit card, Paypal, Venmo and Apple Pay.”