Man Dons Kirkland Signature Cargo Shorts, Immediately Fathers Three Children

man wearing cargo shorts grilling

ENFIELD, Conn. — A local man donned a pair of Kirkland Signature cargo shorts on Saturday and immediately fathered three children, sources say.

Bill Klein was shopping at a local Costco Wholesale store when a variety of cargo shorts listed at $14.99 caught his eye.

“When I walked into the store I was a single guy just trying to stock up on groceries,” said Klein. “But then I brought home these size 38 cargo shorts and tried them on. I immediately became a father of three children and had a sudden urge to mow the lawn and turn the thermostat down ten degrees.”

Klein said the sudden change in his family life came as a surprise, but that the shorts are particularly stretchy and comfortable, especially when worn with a pair of white New Balance sneakers.

“I blacked out for a few seconds after putting them on,” said Klein. “When I came to, I was standing in front of the grill, cooking multiple types of meat to perfection.”

Klein’s recent wife of ten years says the shorts, which come available in a variety of colors and sizes, are an essential part of her husband’s personality.

“Kirkland Signature cargo shorts aren’t just what my husband wears,” she said. “They’re who he is.”

Despite dramatic changes the cargo shorts have brought to his life, Klein plans on wearing them for decades to come.

“Being a dad is tough, but I don’t regret it. These cargo shorts are worth every minute of it,” said Klein. “If anything, I regret not buying more pairs while I was there.”

“Now if only they made these bad boys in zip off, I would only need one pair regardless of the season.”