New research by dog theoretical physicist Dr. Hans has calculated that infinity is precisely the amount of time that his owner spent at the store.
While infinity was previously thought to be a boundless abstract concept that is larger than any number, Dr. Hans was able to calculate it after many painstaking hours spent staring anxiously out the window.
“Through a bend in the space time continuum, the owner paradoxically is able to return from the store in what seems like an instant, despite having been gone for what seemed like an eternity,” said Dr. Hans. “I further hypothesize that this instant can be sped up by barking at passersby and chewing shoes, which manipulate the wormhole through which he travels. However, more research is needed to support this hypothesis.”
Dr. Hans meticulously measured the amount of time his owner spends at work, at the store, and at the bar, determining that they all may in fact be the same place, as he always returns from each both instantaneously and never.
“This research may have far-reaching benefits,” said Dr. Hans. “For example, perhaps there really is a way to make walks last forever while simultaneously eating an infinite number of treats.”
At press time, cat physicist Dr. Floof admitted he “[didn’t] really give a shit” how long his owner was at the store.