‘It’s So Hard to Get Things Done Over the Weekend,’ Says Man Who Starts Drinking at 11 a.m. Both Days

schmedium drinking weekend

A local man who starts drinking promptly at 11 a.m. every Saturday and Sunday lamented how difficult it is to accomplish any tasks over the weekend, sources say.

“It’s just so hard to get things done on my days off. Maybe I’m just tired from working all week,” said Timothy Callam, who regularly gets blackout drunk by mid-afternoon each weekend. “I even make myself a ‘to-do’ list most weekends, but there’s so much that needs to get done and so little time.”

Callam says he’ll often try to squeeze in a load of laundry in between brunch cocktails and his evening pregame with the boys, but it’s difficult to find the motivation.

“I don’t know how people do it. They must wake up at 4 or 5 a.m. to get all these chores done,” added Callam, who rarely rolls out of bed before 10:30 a.m. due to incessant hangovers. “It usually takes two or three Irish coffees before I can even function.”

At press time, Callam was wondering why he feels so terrible at work every morning despite the fact that he leaves the bar by midnight every weeknight.