While the old adage that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” holds true in most situations, there is one doctor who is putting that saying to the test.
Dr. Adam Malus, an anthropomorphic apple tree doctor, has vowed revenge on all humans who have ever feasted on his “precious children.”
“I swear it on my life, I will hunt down each and every human who has ever eaten an apple and kill them,” said Malus. “Bearing fruit is a slow and painstaking process. I’ve spent entire seasons bringing my apples to maturity, only to have them snatched from my branches in cold blood.”
“While I am a respected member of the medical community and have sworn to do no harm, this genocide of apples must stop. My vengeance will be swift and merciless.”
Malus says he spent many years staying away from people who eat apples. There is a longstanding superstition in the apple tree community that any doctor who ventures near an apple-eater will be cursed. He says it took a great deal of courage to kill his first victim.
“I remember his small, dumb eyes as he bit into that Honeycrisp apple. He thought if he ate faster then I wouldn’t be able to get near him. But with each bite I only grew more enraged,” recalled Malus. “Once I got my first test of vengeance, I knew this was my true calling.”
So if you think an apple a day will keep the doctor away, think again. There’s one angry humanoid apple tree doctor who will stop at nothing to murder you.