Babbling, Overinflated Goodyear Blimp Has No Idea What Causing Global Helium Shortage

Babbling, Overinflated Goodyear Blimp Has No Idea What Causing Global Helium Shortage

With a worldwide helium shortage affecting many businesses that rely on the element, a babbling, overinflated Goodyear blimp claimed it had “absolutely no idea” what was causing the problem.

“Helium shortage? Terrible. Just terrible. Nope, no helium here. Don’t know anything about it,” said the nearly bursting blimp, as dozens of empty helium tanks lay scattered around his apartment. “Go ask the MetLife blimp. He probably knows something about it.”

Helium is used in a variety of ways every day, from deep sea diving to MRI machines. While the blimp admits he has gone through bouts of helium addiction in the past, he claims those days are long gone.

“My doctor says it’s fine if I have two or three helium canisters a day. I never take more than that,” said the blimp in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. “Which reminds me, I’m actually out of helium right now. You know where I can get some? I’ve got cash.”