The recent discovery off the coast of Norway of a beluga whale wearing a strange harness has many people wondering whether it may be part of a Russian naval special operations program.
The whale allegedly took numerous photos of Norwegian naval vessels and even tried to plant a tracking device under the hull of one ship. However, a 14-foot-tall aquatic Russian Admiral denies the claims.
“The idea that the Russian Navy is utilizing beluga whales for military operations is preposterous,” the milky-white cetacean said through his blowhole. “Even if we were to use them, everybody knows they’re much better suited to leadership roles than to covert operations.”
The United States has also been known to use aquatic mammals like dolphins for military operations, many serving with distinction in Iraq and Afghanistan.
“If you want to look into something fishy, look into U.S. Navy dolphins,” said the Admiral as an aide picked multiple raw fish from a bucket and threw them into his mouth. “You can never trust dolphins.”