Divine Error: God Admits He Actually Meant to Burn Down a Quiznos

Acknowledging on Monday that He, too, occasionally makes mistakes, God admitted the fire that engulfed the Notre Dame cathedral was actually intended for a Quiznos in Illinois.

“I’ll take the blame for this one. I would never intentionally burn down a magnificent 800-year-old structure like Notre Dame,” He said. “On the other hand, there’s a Quiznos in Springfield that’s totally had it coming.”

God went on to explain that just until recently, he didn’t even know that Quiznos still existed. Once he found this out, however, he decided it was time to set one ablaze.

“I’ve got a heavy workload up here, and the process isn’t always perfect,” said God. “Quiznos may have gotten off Scott-free this time, but I’ve still got my eye on them.”