Husband Worried He May Have Feelings for Another Man’s Lawn

lawn envy

CHESHIRE, Conn. — Unable to get the thought of her out of his head, local husband Timothy Gomes was worried that he may have real feelings for another man’s lawn.

“It’s not that I don’t love my lawn. I do. We’ve been through so much together,” said Gomes. “But when I saw Jim’s lawn glistening in the sun, wet with dew on a crisp Spring morning, my heart just sank.”

In over seven years of homeownership, Gomes said he had never once established a relationship with another man’s grass, garden, or hand-built back porch. But recently, he says he can’t resist sneaking out at night after a fresh mowing just to lay in his neighbor’s plush lawn and smell the grass clippings.

“I know it’s wrong. But what can I do? We have a connection,” said Gomes. “I know that lawn has feelings for me, too. I just feel horrible about what would happen if Jim, or God forbid my own lawn, found out.”

Gomes’s secret relationship has put a great deal of stress on his family. His wife says she first grew suspicious when her husband started leaving the house at odd hours with a weed-whacker and bags of grass seed.

“He hasn’t aerated our own lawn in years. Yet I’ve seen him aerate Jim’s lawn twice this month,” said Ms. Gomes. “Plus, I’ve noticed he’s been very distant whenever he’s watering our lawn. He just doesn’t look at it the same anymore.”