Crowd Peaceably Assembles to Protest First Amendment

Crowd Peaceably Assembles to Protest First Amendment

WASHINGTON — Citing the Constitutional right which prevents Congress from prohibiting the act, a crowd peaceably assembled on the National Mall this morning to protest the First Amendment to the Constitution.

“Down with free speech!” shouted one protestor in a firm yet nonviolent manner. “I’d like to see ‘the government’ come try and stop me from saying that!”

The protest first formed after multiple concerted attempts by the group to redress their grievances with the government proved unsuccessful. A number of the group’s members also submitted op-eds to local and national newspapers demanding that the press’s freedom be abridged thoroughly and systematically.

“What kind of country are we living in where any citizen can just publish their opinion without so much as a review by the government censorship committee? That’s not the America I grew up in,” read one article. “Just the other day, I expressed my religious views in a public forum and federal agents didn’t even show up and unreasonably search and seize my property!”

At press time, the members of the crowd demanded that soldiers be quartered in their houses immediately to prevent soldiers from being quartered in their houses without consent.

Jake Slager contributed reporting.