Mueller Report: Trump Campaign Accidentally Colluded With Prussia

The final report submitted by special investigator Robert Mueller this morning details how the Trump Campaign accidentally colluded with the historic Central European state of Prussia during the 2016 election.

“The Trump Campaign made repeated attempts to communicate with the House of Hohenzollern, particularly at the monarchy’s height of power in the late 18th and early 19th centuries,” read the report. “Numerous efforts were also made to have the Trump organization gain inside influence at the 1814 Congress of Vienna.”

While the report cleared Trump of any collusion with the modern state of Russia, it details how numerous members of his campaign team sent emails, WhatsApp messages, and carrier pigeons to the most powerful German confederation of the post-Napoleonic period.

“If this report is true, it can have a dramatic impact on the outcome of the Thirty Years’ War of 1618-1648,” said foreign policy expert Bill Ramsey. “And it is certainly in violation of the 1807 Treaties of Tilsit.”