Dumbfounded Americans Forced to Admit They Voted for This Asshole of Their Own Accord

mueller report satire

After the Mueller report released on Sunday cleared the Trump campaign of charges of colluding with Russia during the 2016 election, stunned Americans were forced to admit that they voted for this asshole of their own accord.

“I can’t believe there was no deeper conspiracy that somehow brainwashed me into voting for Trump. I actually voted for this joker on my own,” said one voter. “I no longer trust myself. I’m truly terrified of who I might vote for in 2020.”

Others have admitted that collusion between a sitting U.S. President and a foreign government might have been preferable to just voting for Trump in a normal election.

“In a way, I was hoping he did collude with Russia, because that would kind of let me off the hook for voting for him,” said voter Cynthia Gyles. “But now I have to face the fact that I exercised my own free will in voting for Trump, and I hate him all the more because of it.”