Announcing that the plan would support the country’s energy independence and decrease its reliance on fossil fuels, environmentally-friendly politician Harry Sprague proposed a bill this morning to invade the Middle East in order to steal their solar power.
Thus far, politicians on both sides of the aisle have come out in support of the plan, which Sprague says will put the United States on the path to a greener future while also keeping sunlight out of the hands of terrorists.
“Top secret military reports indicate that the Middle East may be able to produce up to 5 billion barrels of sunlight per day,” said Sprague in a speech to the House of Representatives. “This will surely provide us with the steady flow of solar power that we need to get our great nation off of oil and gas.”
After hearing of the plan, armies across the Middle East began burning their solar farms to prevent them from being utilized by the invading forces.
“By burning those solar farms, they have just increased their carbon footprint by up to 200 percent, and this country will not tolerate that kind of ecological ignorance,” added Sprague. “Plus, if we don’t invade, just imagine what the terrorists can do with all that renewable energy!”
At press time, Sprague also voted for the covert overthrow of a Central American government in an effort to prevent deforestation.