Running around the field in a state of confusion and disarray, the world’s cricket players admitted today they had absolutely no idea what’s going on out there.
“Whatever it is we’re supposed to be doing out there is beyond me,” said famed New Zealand batsman Ross Taylor. “I just kinda show up and swing this paddle thing and run around a bit, and it usually turns out fine.”
Indian cricketer Jasprit Bumrah also expressed confusion as to just what it is that makes him the world’s greatest bowler.
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to hit all those stick things down or avoid the stick things completely,” said Bumrah of the wickets, which he added may or may not play an integral role in the game, but that he thus far could not find anyone who could explain the rule to him. “I know that something usually does happen when I hit them, I just have no idea what it is, or if it’s good or bad. As far as I can tell it’s totally arbitrary.”
Other players admitted that every time their coach tells them to field “at gully,” “in the slips,” or “at silly point,” they figure it is just some kind of sick inside joke that they don’t understand.
“Sometimes coach tells me I have ‘fine legs,’ but other times he tells me I have ‘square legs.’ Well which is it? I put too much work into these legs to be teased like that,” said Taylor of the terms which are in fact the names of fielding positions. “Honestly, I’d rather be at the pub.”