GOOCHLAND, VA – Conspiracy theorists have long decried the supposed evils of chemtrails, the alleged deep state spraying of biohazardous chemicals from jet airplanes for nefarious purposes. But Larry Stebbins, 38, a cryptozoologist from Goochland, believes that the practice is actually playing a major role in reversing global warming.
Stebbins claims that the chemical agent intended to create a mind-control force field to subjugate free-thinking Americans has actually had the unintended secondary consequence of patching up the ozone and reversing the damage done by carbon emissions.
“No longer can I sit idly by while science deniers underplay the dangers of manmade climate change or make dubious claims that aircraft exhaust deposits condensation nuclei into the atmosphere which, in the presence of moisture and freezing temperatures, forms clouds behind said aircraft, and doesn’t at all contribute to our fight against rising temperatures,” Stebbins declared in his weekly online manifesto. “We will not be silenced!”
At press time, Stebbins was planning to tackle the benefits of the anti-vax lifestyle on reducing overpopulation and food crises.