Citing shifting consumer preferences and the box office success of movies made using computer-generated imagery, God announced today he would be remaking Earth as a grittier, CGI planet.
“The original live-action Earth was impressive for its time, but graphics technology has come so far since it first came out in 4.6 billion BC,” He said. “And trust me, if you thought billions of years of meteorite bombardments and magma oceans was impressive, just wait until you see the effects I have planned for the new opening scene.”
God promises that the film, titled Earth 2: The Maelstrom, will be packed with explosions and will have cameo appearances from Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham.
State-of-the-art special effects are not the only thing God has in mind for the new planet. He says the recent trend towards edgier, darker mainstream movies like Deadpool also provided creative inspiration for his new project.
“This time around, I’m gonna skip all the religious, moralizing bullshit and get straight to the sex and violence,” He added. “We’re talking dinosaurs in tanks, and entire species based off The Rock and Ryan Reynolds.”
At press time, God announced he had already begun production on the third movie in the series, Earth 3: Earth vs. Predator.