Citing the need to prevent Americans from wantonly spouting their ignorant opinions, Huggies announced today the release of the “Face Diaper,” which will “catch all of the crap pouring out of people’s stupid mouths.”
“The idea just came to me one day as I was listening to my neighbor spew some moronic crap out of his pie hole,” said Face Diaper inventor Frank Thurmond. “It’s great to have a simple and eco-friendly way to absorb all of that crap before it just spurts all over everything.”
Huggies claims the face diaper can stop anything ranging from heated political opinions, to thoughts on gun control, to closed-minded views on religion.
“Just the other day my coworker Mike walked up to my desk uninvited and started talking about how bad it was what ‘those people’ were doing to our country,” said Charles Gorman. “But then I slapped a face diaper over his mouth, and all of that crap was soaked up instantly. Amazing!”
At press time, Huggies announced they would be releasing an “Extra Strength” model specifically designed for use on Boston sports fans.