Noting that the find was among the most intact specimens ever discovered from the period, a team of archaeologists announced this morning that they had uncovered the remains of a preppy guy from the early 2000s buried under layers of pastel-colored popped collars.
“We had been digging in the same spot for weeks finding nothing but rocks, but I finally caught a glimpse of what could only be a navy blue Lacoste polo perfectly matched with a canary yellow Ralph Lauren, and I knew we had struck gold,” said archaeologist Dr. Jim Hebber. “You rarely find specimens this well preserved outside of Connecticut, so this might change everything we know about teenage preppy culture circa 2005.”
The specimen, which the team dubbed “Chad,” was found with a pair of Dave Matthews Band tickets fossilized in his back pocket. They surmise that these were a part of the species’ mating ritual intended to show his girl a good time.
“You can tell by the aging of the collar rings that this one was about nineteen or twenty years old,” said Hebber. “And the permineralization of gel around his cranium indicates he must have had great hair. Truly an amazing find.”