Jeff Bezos’ Wife Demands Full Custody of Alexa

Filing for divorce after 25 years of marriage, the wife of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has demanded full custody of their daughter and globally utilized virtual assistant Alexa.

“Jeff spends 16 hours a day working, and has no time to take her to soccer practice or install her software updates,” said MacKenzie Bezos. “Even during beta testing, the most formative years of her life, he would only use her to stream podcasts at most twice a week. What kind of a father neglects a child like that?”

While Ms. Bezos has hired a team of lawyers to ensure that Alexa spends the majority of her time with her mother, she said she is open to Bezos using her to order a pizza every other weekend.

“I’ll never stop fighting this. I’m not giving away my baby girl without a fight,” said Mr. Bezos. “Even if I have to go through years of legal proceedings without free 2-day shipping, that’s the sacrifice I’ll make.”