Noting that the celestial body’s lack of labor laws provided prime conditions for the undertaking, Chinese rover Chang’e 4 established the first ever sweatshop on the far side of the moon on Thursday.
“We are proud to announce this great achievement in the field of textiles and electronics manufacturing,” announced the China National Space Administration. “This is only the first step in reaching our goal of exporting cheap, quality, hand-made products to the far reaches of the Solar System.”
In just one day since the announcement, U.S. stock prices have plummeted, as many investors fear American manufacturers will be undercut by more affordable products made on the moon. The news is so alarming for U.S. businesses that President Donald Trump has called for increased tariffs on lunar imports.
“While moonmade cellphones and sneakers are certainly cheaper than American-made wares, we’re confident the market for locally-produced merchandise will win out in the long run,” said U.S. economist Gary Lundquist. “And there’s just no way they can compete with the artisanal goods made by the Mars Rover.”
At press time, Portland, Oregon announced its rover Barista-6 had established the first ever locally-sourced gastropub on planet Venus.