Nation Can’t Figure Out Why It Running So Smoothly All of a Sudden

Nation Can’t Figure Out Why It Running So Smoothly All of a Sudden

As the U.S. federal government shutdown entered its sixth day on Thursday, the American people could not figure out why the country seemed to be running so smoothly all of a sudden.

“It’s crazy. Just, like, last week it felt like the entire country was going to shit, but now the stock market is up and things generally seem to be going okay,” said Washington resident Steve McAdams. “Something must have happened in the past six days or so to really put our country on the right track.”

As lawmakers battled over funding and the furlough of hundreds of thousands of government staffers effectively halted operations for the federal government, many Americans noted that, for the first time in a long time, things were just pretty swell.

“I got up this morning and went for run. Then there was no traffic on my way to work, my boss was in a good mood, and I got a free coffee at Starbucks,” said businesswoman Diana Tolbert, who in the past six days has also gotten a promotion and lost ten pounds. “I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is, I hope it continues for a long, long time.”