TEXAS — Just days after ruling that the Affordable Care Act — also known as Obamacare — was unconstitutional, a federal judge was mysteriously killed by a Hellfire missile fired from a drone outside the Federal District Courthouse in Fort Worth.
“No idea how this happened,” said a calm, composed former President Barack Obama, sitting in a rocking chair on his porch smoking a cigar. “Just bad luck, I guess.”
Judge Reed O’Connor ruled that the mandate requiring people to have health insurance is unconstitutional mere days before being blasted into a pink mist on the courthouse steps. Passersby said they recalled hearing buzzing sounds overhead throughout the trial and during the subsequent days, but thought it was just one of the standard NSA drones that spies on Americans throughout the week.
By law, former presidents are allowed to possess two RQ-1 Predator drones for personal and diplomatic use. Now, Republicans are scrambling to blame Obama for the strike.
“We all know what that Peeping Tom President Clinton uses his drones for, now it looks like Obama is up to no good as well,” said Senator John Cornyn. “It’s time our former presidents start responsibly using their personal unmanned attack aircraft for good rather than evil.”
At press time, 43rd President George W. Bush was reportedly using his drones to scope out the local bar scene in Dallas.