HEAVEN — Just hours after passing through the Pearly Gates, 41st President of the United States George H.W. Bush has been accused of groping St. Peter’s buttocks.
“He had just finished signing in, so I asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking a photo with me,” said St. Peter. “That’s when I felt a firm squeeze on my bum. At first I thought it was an accident, but then he winked at me and did it again. I was terrified.”
A number of women have come forth in recent years, claiming that Bush had also touched their hindquarters during photo ops. The Bush family has since apologized, saying that all of the instances were intended in a good-natured manner.
“Dad always liked a nice rear end as much as the next guy, so he pats them all the time in an innocent way,” said son George W. Bush. “I can’t imagine he would pass up an opportunity to grab some saint butt.”
In addition to the groping allegations, St. Peter said Bush is now flying his TBM Avenger aircraft around Heaven with the sole intention of blowing up angels’ skirts. He has also been accused of grabbing the archangel Gabriel’s backside during a dinner party.
“To be fair,” added St. Peter, “Gabriel does have a pretty nice ass.”