If there’s one day a year to get the deal of a lifetime, it’s on Black Friday. And if you’re a bargain hunter like us, you might want to get in on the Cincinnati, Ohio police department’s early bird special: this Black Friday, the first 100 people in the city to commit manslaughter will walk away without having to pay a dime!
Now that’s a steal!
Customers have been lining up outside their neighbors’ houses since Thursday afternoon to commit voluntary manslaughter. A few lucky shoppers have even been surprised with totally free involuntary manslaughter charges after running over pedestrians with their cars.
“My coworker Kevin has been getting on my nerves for over three years. When I negligently crushed him with my 18-wheeler while texting and driving this morning, I didn’t expect to get off completely scot-free,” said local deal seeker Randolph Carr. “I’ll definitely recommend this service to my friends and family!”
And the savings don’t stop there — the labor and delivery sections of hospitals across the city are offering buy one get one 50% off baby deliveries.
“I wasn’t supposed to give birth until January, but when I heard about this amazing deal I just had to push it out,” said Krystal Ferguson. “This discount is so good it should be a crime!”
There it is folks. If you’re looking for super savings this Black Friday, get down to Cincinnati now!