Ivanka Trump used her personal account to send hundreds of emails regarding official government business, potentially exposing troves of classified fashion secrets to poorly-dressed people, sources confirmed today.
The revelation has caused alarm among administration officials, who have only now been made aware that their entire wardrobes are “so last season.”
“We can’t let information on tastefully pairing your leather tote with a David Yurman 18K gold bracelet fall into the wrong hands,” said Fashion Police Chief Barry Ingram. “If our adversaries in China and Russia get access to these secrets, they could seriously upset the global balance of style.”
Trump claims her case is vastly different from Hillary Clinton’s, whose fashion recommendations sent from her private server in her home in New York were “bland” and “over 30 years out of date.” While Trump has since apologized for her actions, she says all of the fashion tips revealed in her emails were already public knowledge.
“The CIA program banning the wear of white pants after Labor Day was declassified decades ago,” she said. “And everybody knows black clashes with brown.”
Many Democrats are now pledging to investigate Trump, saying her actions were a violation of federal couture.
“Ms. Trump has put us all at risk,” said Sen. Dick Durbin. “God help us if Kim Jong-un finds the right shade of blush to perfectly accentuate the natural glow of his cheeks.”