During sexual intercourse last night, the passive voice was used by uncultured lover Jack Halstead to talk dirty to his girlfriend, sources say.
“A dirty girl is what you are. Punishing is something you deserve and something which can be done by me,” muttered the philistine Halstead into his lover’s ear. “Good is how that feels, baby. Isn’t it?”
Despite Halstead’s attempt to add more fire into their relationship, his girlfriend says she was immediately turned off by his grammatical impotence.
“The night was going very well at first, but then he dropped a split infinitive when he said he was going ‘to intensely make’ me come, and I was totally turned off,” she said. “Later, when he whispered the various naughty things he was going to do to me, I could only assume he put an Oxford comma after the penultimate naughty thing.”
Halstead’s ungrammatical attempts at seduction may have failed him this time, but he said he won’t let his tame, flabby sentence structures prevent him from future attempts to talk dirty.
“If public was not the place we were in at this moment, your clothes are what I would be ripping off and your nipples are what I would be sucking, baby,” added Halstead. “So hard is what I am right now.”
WT Door contributed reporting.