As millions of Canadians gathered on Monday to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, God announced that he would not be accepting any of their offers of thanks until the actual holiday occurs on November 22.
“I’ve always made it very clear that Thanksgiving is on the fourth Thursday in November,” said God in a speech on Canadian television. “So I will not be accepting any thanks or prayers, or blessing any harvests, until then.”
The announcement hampered plans for many families who had gathered to feast, relax, and watch Canadian Football League games on TV.
“I can’t even name one CFL team and could honestly care less,” said God. “No disrespect or anything, I seriously just didn’t even know the CFL was still a thing.”
At press time, God changed his mind and declared he would be accepting offerings of Labatt Blue and poutine to hold him over until November.