Recent plans by the world’s moths to rise up and overthrow human civilization were thwarted late last night by an enticing, shiny lamp, sources say.
Revolutionary moth leader Karl Vasiliev was allegedly hashing out the final execution orders with his lieutenants when the presence of an unforeseen IKEA table lamp threw he and his staff into a bewildered frenzy.
“And then Nikolai will detonate the…oh, man is that a lamp?” Vasiliev reportedly said, seconds before throwing away months of planning to flap around wildly inside the lamp shade. “I suddenly feel a great fire inside me, and it can only be quenched by lamp.”
One conspirator, who recently defected from the moth movement, said leadership had planned for all types of contingencies. But none could have predicted the devastating, irreversible effects of a lamp.
“Somebody knew too much. Somebody on the inside. He knew our one weakness and ruthlessly exploited it,” said the defector, who asked to remain anonymous for his own safety. “Say, you happen to have any lamps?”