Local Tough Guy Serves 10,000th Knuckle Sandwich

Local Tough Guy Serves 10,000th Knuckle Sandwich

TRENTON, N.J. — Nearly a decade after becoming his neighborhood’s premier goon, local tough guy Tony DeBuono served up his 10,000th knuckle sandwich earlier this week.

DeBuono says dishing out the free skull-pounding beatings to wise guys and bigmouths all over town has helped him feel that he is truly giving something back to the community.

“I’m honored to see that so many people around here appreciate my work,” said DeBuono, leering menacingly at a group of rowdy teenagers across the street. “Just the other day some smart-aleck tried telling me that the Jersey Devils weren’t the greatest hockey team of all time, so I had to bash his head in with a bar stool. It’s so rewarding to be able to do what I love.”

DeBuono tries to serve at least three knuckle sandwiches per day to local know-it-alls or fancy-pantses, but it’s not always easy. With the economy performing well and unemployment numbers down, there aren’t as many hotshots and weisenheimers around for him to put in their place.

“There’s ups and downs, just like in any business,” he added. “But in the long term I think there will always be plenty of goofballs and knuckleheads out there that need a whoopin.'”