‘Money Can’t Buy Happiness,’ Says Broke, Unhappy Loser

'Money Can't Buy Happiness,' Says Broke, Unhappy Loser

Broke, unhappy loser Kyle McMillan was overheard earlier this week telling friends that “money can’t buy happiness.”

According to sources, the penniless failure of a man spent hours lecturing passersby on the virtues of following one’s passion, even if that meant having one’s parents deposit five hundred dollars into their bank account every other week until the age of thirty-five.

“There’s more to this world than material possessions,” said the miserable nitwit, who due to his lack of employment has been crashing on his friend’s couch without paying rent for the past three years. “I’m not gonna let superficial things like ‘a job’ or ‘responsibilities’ get me down.”

McMillan went on to say that he feels sorry for the “drones” who waste away their lives working a 9-to-5 and supporting their families, when they could be living “the good life” playing video games and commenting on Reddit until four in the morning like he does.

“You can’t let ‘the system’ get you, man,” said the pitiable deadbeat, whose entire life has been supported in some way by someone else. “Nope. You won’t see me wasting away at someĀ ‘job’ any time soon.”