Doctor Refuses to Treat Poseurs Because “They’re Not Sick Enough”

Doctor Refuses to Treat Poseurs Because "They're Not Sick Enough"

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Citing extensive medical evidence that shows the wannabe skateboarders are rarely ill enough to warrant a doctor’s visit, Dr. Wayne Harding says he refuses to treat poseurs because “they’re just not sick enough.”

“Look, I’m not going to waste my precious time and medicinal resources on some posin’ ass bitch,” said Dr. Harding. “There’s plenty of bodaciously sick gnarheads out there that need my help.”

Dr. Harding added that he has turned away at least a dozen fourteen-year-old poseurs this week, many claiming they had just landed their first pop shove-it and were now sick enough to require his services.

“These little punks think they can just walk right into my office every time their mom buys them a new set of trucks,” said Harding. “You go live the life of a true skater for a few years and come back with the scars to prove it. Then maybe I’ll get you an appointment.”

He added, “Unless you’re a fruitbooter. Then just stay the hell away.”