Psychologists Confirm Everyone Out of They Goddamn Minds

Psychologists Confirm Everyone Out of They Goddamn Minds

A new report in the Annual Review of Psychology has confirmed that every single person on planet Earth is out of their goddamn mind.

The comprehensive study — which was performed by a team of psychologists from universities across the world — found that regardless of economic background, age, race, sex, or any other demographics, the vast majority of human beings are “just totally fucking bonkers.”

“In the course of our studies, we discovered that one hundred percent of all people on the planet are entirely fucking nutso,” said MIT Psychologist Dr. Hans Gerber. “Even the ones that seem normal in casual short-term interactions tend to lose it as soon as they’re exposed to any information that remotely conflicts with their worldview.”

The team surveyed over ten thousand randomly-selected individuals from all of walks of life and over a dozen countries, but were unable to find any traces of sanity or decency in the sample.

“We could hardly even get through half of an interview without a subject completely freaking the fuck out,” added Dr. Laura Greene. “We eventually had to remove all but the most basic questions because everything offended them.”

While the team was unable to find any semblance of mental health among participants in the study, many of the researchers plan to continue their search for a human who isn’t utterly batshit crazy.

“It’s highly unlikely,” added Greene. “Although dead people are showing some promise.”