LOS ANGELES — Local skateboarder Travis McBanks has been arrested for violating the Eight Amendment to the Constitution after law enforcement officers noticed that he was “excessively bailing” on every single trick.
The Eighth Amendment states that, “Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.” The arresting officer noted that, despite the extreme simplicity and lack of style in McBanks’ moves, he “kept bailing like a motherfucker” and clearly had “no balls.”
“Whether on a backside one-eighty over a handrail, or a simple pop shove-it off a ledge, the suspect was bailing on every maneuver like a total fucking pussy,” said Officer Jeff Glowinski. “It was cruel and unusual just watching this poseur try.”
Officer Glowinski says he took the call after an anonymous source reported seeing McBanks spinelessly ditch his skateboard attempting to ollie down a set of stairs “without even trying to land it.”
“It’s disgraceful. Skaters these days have no respect for the Constitution,” said Glowinski. “I don’t know what our country has become when even our skateboarders are disobeying the rule of law.”